Five - Pt. 9 -

Chapter 5 in which things accelerate a little too quickly...

Imagine a dorky little tough girl like me, if you will, walking side by side with elven kind, dwarven kind and a master (at least soon-to-be) of Lake Town, then throw in a time-traveling alien ship, alien, criminal consultant, clown criminal and masked mercenary.
Among the elves and dwarves were a prince and a king.
Myself? I never amounted to anything before...suddenly everyone thought I was a queen.
And here little old me was, trying to save them all.

I'm telling you this, because, dear readers, even after all that time, I was still in a state of shock.

Feeling like I was in a very, very vivid dream.
I basically had been winging everything, hoping for a positive outcome. I didn't know what in the heck I was doing, nor knew what in the heck to expect. My mind's state was similar to where you've been planning or really wanted something for a long time, and when it actually happens, you're in a complete daze.

I had been wanting this my entire life..being with fictional characters.
I miraculously got my wish...and well...simply put..I'm still in awe of what's happened.
~
The dwarves, Lego, Tauriel and I all talked.
I spilled the beans that an army was coming and we needed to prepare..needing an army of our own and some scouts to warn everybody..Legolas informed me that his kind would eventually show up, but he wasn't sure if they'd help me or not. Unfortunately, he revealed, his father was out to get me for escaping my execution. My day is never complete until I have an elven king wanting to kill me because he couldn't kill me.
Thorin let out that he could send urgent word to his people, but a few days was as urgent as it was gonna get, and let's just combine that to the amount of time it would take for the army to get there.
Nah, bro, we didn't have that kind of time.
Growing more and more frustrated the more that was revealed to me, I continuously looked up at the mountain, growling silently and clenching and unclenching my fists repeatedly as a nervous tick, seriously wishing that I could've won Smaug over, cuz a dragon would be ideal right about now.
So far, the elves weren't allowed to back me cuz of their racist, judgmental king..the dwarves were gonna take two centuries to get to the party...both being armies we really, really needed in this fight....and I had a dragon hating on me.
THIS IS WHY WE INVENTED THE INTERNET AND APOLOGY CARDS.

On the bright side, we still had the eagles and.......right.

I evacuated the people of Lake Town for a reason. Pulling them into the fight wouldn't be fair.
BUT WAIT. My spiders!! I could use meh babies! ♥
So I told them that and...the idea was debunked.
Well forget you.
I suggested Elrond next. Cuz, really. And that was another maybe.
I jokingly suggested that we send a mean present to the Uruk-Hai, making it look like it was from the Orcs, that way the two would go at it on the field.
But they didn't even know what the Uruk-Hai was.
I was this close to just leaving.

As a final alternative, I pleaded with Bilbo to rally the hobbits of the Shire to rise against the tall folk, but everyone around me couldn't help but chuckle or smile.
.....I was actually being serious.

It's like, omg, why was it so hard to get the people of that timeline to fight?!
Course if one of them offended the other's mama, you'd have ten different countries going at war by nightfall!
But when it came to ugly spawns of Satan that wished to destroy everything, nooooooooooooooo, they were all too busy with mountain climbing and berry picking!
WORST MIDDLE-EARTH FRIENDS EVER.
And here I was, bothering with the thing for their benefit! UGH!

Anyway, all that hogwash aside, the dwarves were excruciatingly happy to be back with me.
Kili, Fili and Ori, in particular, were hanging around me the most. Ori beamed every time I looked in his direction, like I was his role model or something, and it was honestly the cutest darn thing.
Symbolically, I was pretty much like a Snow White to dem little men, with the way they had taken such a shine to me.

So, yeah, the reason I'm skipping through our little conversation is because it really wasn't all that important.
It was a long, dull, drawn out talk between us as we slowly tried to decide on what we were gonna do.
And I was getting next to no where.
Speaking of getting no where, you might be wondering where my cowardly absent companions were, and simply put, they were hiding inside the T.A.R.D.I.S., playing poker.
Words can not even express.

But I let it slide, considering I was busy with other things, and they were also out of the way, not causing trouble. So, I turned my attention to Bard..
"Bro, I'm gonna need you to go back to the people and warn them that the Orcs will be coming. You should probably stay with them, they'll be needing a leader if things go south."
He nodded in agreement. My eyes gravitated to Alfrid.
"And you..dude, what are you even still doing here?"
"I pledge m' service ta you!" He awkwardly bowed his body to the lowest point of the ground.
"A'ways hon'red ta serve you, o' queen!"
"What're you doing, get off the ground, stop embarrassing yourself." I pulled him up by his robe, and snatched his stupid hat right off his head. He gasped in surprise.
"No more bowing!" I scolded, waving the dirty little thing in my hand. I then tossed it aside.
"And stop wearing that ridiculous thing, I'mma shape you into a man!"
I slapped his shoulder, which made him flinch, then noogied his greasy hair..which thankfully, my skin didn't have to touch, due to my gloves.
"Seriously, I don't want a servant. I don't need any servants. How's about you treat me like.."
I rubbed my knuckles against my pants..slowly, with the same arm, I reached in with an open hand.
"..like a friend?"

His eyes fell to my hand and he gave it an odd look..like it was diseased.
"Friend??" He repeated, disgustedly. His shoulders shrugged, uneasily.
"...I don' have the lux'ry o' friends.."
I made a lopsided frown. "...That's why I'm gonna shape you into a man. Real men have friends."
Which, of course, one doesn't have to care about.
You don't have to have friends if you don't want to, and that makes you no less of a person than you'd be with friends. But I was really reaching out to Alfrid and saying what I had to.
I didn't exactly know why...I just wanted him on my side.
His eyes lifted to me, uncertainly. I leaned in a bit.
"You ain't a straight-up villain, Al. You're a sleazeball, I'll be honest with that. But I think if you really try, you can be more than that. I give everyone a chance..and that includes you."
Oh, well..I was honest and direct. Wasn't my fault if his feelings were hurt.
..Even so, he seemed to be paying attention. And what I said apparently had an effect on him.
Cuz after that, he shook my hand.
Well, then..
"...But seriously, bro, if you just wash your face, take a shower, brush your teeth and do a little decent grooming, you might actually be breedable."
I pat his shoulder, gently. "Speaking as a friend, is all..."
I left him with that and drifted off to Lego and Tauriel. The two seemed to be whispering to one another about something...which is evident. Rather pointless to be whispering to one another about nothing.
But I didn't give myself a chance to figure out what.

"Tauriel, dear, can you give blondy and I a minute?"
She looked at me in half-surprise, then at Lego, who nodded his ok, looking all noble and princely.
With that, she cleared her throat and passed me, heading to Bard and Alfrid.
I gave her a quick glance before turning my attention back on the elven prince.
"..So..out of curiosity.." I rubbed my hands together, trying to find the right words to say.
"...How come you're so quick now to accept me as...you know...a queen...after all the mistrust you had for me? Cuz this is a pretty sudden change in treatment."
The question struck something inside him, as he moved his eyes up to the dark sky and inhaled deeply, as if I was asking him how he thought the universe was formed.
"...I am..not certain. It's strange..it is something I question myself. Something that has come over me. As if I have no reason not to trust you now..as if I know that your intentions are good and you mean us well. I have fully come to realize this after seeing what lengths you have taken to protect these people. I do not believe someone with ill intentions would risk their very life to save another."
He glanced at the others and nodded his head, "This strange feeling seems to have entered the others...you have quite a following now. As if effecting us in some way.."
My eyes moved where his moved. Indeed, it did seem as if almost everyone here had taken too quick a shine to me, and just simply trusted me or wanted to be my friend without an explanation.
They wanted to work with me..just like that...the dwarves, Lego, Tauriel, Bard, his kids, the people of Lake Town...I was even getting through to Alfrid and the Master. And let's not even start on the spiders.
IDK, man....it was suspicious...at that moment, especially..I wondered..

Shrugging it aside, I turned back to him.
"Well, in any case, I'm glad we're on the same side now. Cuz I've always liked you, bro. You're pretty awesome. And having you against me would...um...sucketh."
Little emotion showed on his face. "...I believe I agree........I am, as well."
With simply that, he walked away.
I didn't necessarily decide if I was done or not, even though I was, but okay then.

"Miss Sarah!" I turned. Ori was running straight at me. "Ori?"
"Please, miss! You must tell m---" Poor thing was out of breath and was now bent over, trying to recover.
I pat him on the back. "That's okay, I'll wait."
He heeved and hawed, holding his chest. "I---want---to---he---" "Chill, bro, try to catch your breath."
He waved the matter off with his bulgy little hand and stood up straight.
"I want to hear---the rest of---S--Sno--SNOW WHITE!"
My eyes enlarged. "NOW?!"
"Yes, please!! We may not have the chance to hear it and I've been waiting desperately!"
He shook my arm, wildly. "How does the story end?!"
I could tell he really was desperate...I sighed. I had to indulge.
"Very well......but don't expect me to take all day on it! We've got Orcs coming!"
His face lit up like a child's and he swung around, waving frantically for the others to hurry and come.

As they came, my eyes shifted to the T.A.R.D.I.S...where I noticed that Joker was poking his head out and staring straight at me. When he saw that I was looking, however, he slowly slunk back in.....hmm...

When I looked back, there stood the rest of the dwarves, including a Bilbo, who had pushed his way to the front. The little men actually looked excited. O_O
My brows crinkled. "..Ori..did you-" "Tell everyone the tale myself? Yes indeed!"
Ori bounced up and down like a bunny.
"We have all been looking forward to it's conclusion!"
Another sigh..no time to waste.
"Well...the dwarves and Snow all thought they were permanently safe and happy..as there were no further signs of the queen or her lackeys coming after her. Until one day..it happened. When the dwarves left for work, Snow was left alone..usually, she cleaned and cooked and took care of things until the dwarves returned..but this time, she received a visitor. The queen. After discovering that the heart given to her by the Huntsman was not indeed the heart of the princess, she had the mirror search for her across the land..she was shown her stepdaughter's location. It was at this new knowledge that the queen decided to take care of the girl herself. She departed to her lair, where she concocted a plan to trick Snow. She would disguise herself as an old woman, using her magic to transform herself. She took a seemingly harmless apple and dipped it into a poison. With that very apple, she planned to end Snow White, once and for all."
"That wicked old witch!" One dwarf yelled.
I laughed on the inside....wrong story, but.. okay.

"She was welcomed into the dwarf home, for Snow did not expect at all that the queen was to come after her, especially in this way. And the 'old woman' went right to business. Literally. She offered Snow the apple..which seemed so delicious and harmless, how could the girl refuse? Her hunger for it got the best of her and she took it....and with one bite, a change came over her. It made her weak..and sick..she collapsed to the floor, losing all of her energy...and that is where the queen laughed in wicked victory. Snow White laid on the floor, dead."
"WHAT?!" The dwarves gasped, in unison.
"WHAT KIND OF STORY IS THIS?!"
"SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!"
"CHANGE THE END, CHANGE IT!"
My eyes snapped at them. "I'm not finished."
They all lowered in silence.

"The queen left and the dwarves came home. To their shock, they found their Snow dead, and tried desperately to revive her. But it was no use." "..This is a rubbish story."
"I will physically hurt you if I'm interrupted again."
Dwalin sunk, grumpily crossing his arms. Well, found my Grumpy of the group. ;)
"..They placed the princess in a glass coffin and mourned for her...time went on and one day, came a prince. He arrived at the dwarf cottage and spotted Snow in the coffin. She was so beautiful and perfect looking that he, too, couldn't help but mourn for her. He questioned the dwarves to find out what happened to her, and so they told him. After hearing how good and kind she was, he couldn't help himself. Snow, even in death, was still the fairest of them all. As he was forced to part ways, he opened the coffin up and gave the girl a kiss.."
I glanced at them, smugly. "...and nothing happened."

They all gasped, accordingly.
"LOL, jk, it totally worked. She got up, alive and well, awoken by True Love's Kiss, cuz I guess this perfect stranger was actually her True Love and all, cuz for some reason, she agreed to marry the guy, like, here's a guy that just randomly appeared and kissed my corpse and I don't know his name, but he's cute and I'm gonna marry him anyway, no big deal...chick must've been crazy amounts of tired."

Ori shot his arms up, happily. "See, I knew it! A happy ending!"
"She married, splendid!"

"But what about the queen?!" Bilbo exclaimed.

Bilbo Baggins, asking the real questions.

I shrugged. "She died, eventually. Something to do with shoes and dancing. She didn't mess with Snow, the prince, the dwarves, the mirror or anyone else ever again." I sighed. "The end."

They all cheered. "What a wonderful story!"

Oh, now it's a wonderful story, sure...

Ori grinned wide, "Thank you, miss Sarah!" "Sarah."

He shrugged his shoulders, uneasily. "Right..Sarah." "You're welcome...I'm glad you guys liked it. Snow White's always been one of my favorite fairytales."

Their faces all changed back to excitement. "There's more?!"

"And THAT is for another time." "A long, long time."

They all turned their heads to Moriarty, as did I, who was standing proudly a ways from us, fiddling with his own fingers on one hand. He was looking to the ground before we looked at him, but his eyes soon cut at the group of dwarves sitting infront of me. "Beat it, midgets..."

They took offense to this.

"Who are you calling midget, outlander?!"

Dwalin shot up, readying his weapons. "I'll split his pretty little head open, the blundering clod!"

"Dwarves."

They all glanced at me, as did Jim (who only slightly moved his eyes), and I cut my own eyes at them.

".....Obviously, Captain Rude McShrude needs a minute with me...so...if you'd please."

My short company of friends were reluctant to do so...Kili and Fili in particular giving him the meanest of stares..but eventually, they got the hint, and started to depart.

Once they were far enough away, I turned my attention back to Jim.

"Ya know..I'm starting to see why you don't have a lot of friends.."

Was only joking, of course.

But my eyes refused to leave him upon contact, as he started to approach me, a little too slowly, with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. Don't take my fight against his advances and constant complaints of him and his actions as a sign of negativity towards him. I was really trying to resist his beautiful, charming self.

It was like a giant Hershey Cookies 'n' Creme bar being waved infront of my face, and trying not to eat it.

This was the worst torture imaginable for a fangirl.

I was surrounded by pretty men.

His eyes lifted and he made a grumpy face..but he still said nothing.

I stared at him a little nervously, in anxious anticipation for something eventful to happen.

"........I do hope there was a general reason behind you needing to talk to me..."

".....does there have to be?" ".........yes."

He tilted his head a bit to the side, his widening eyes gazing into me, like an owl.

"..I can't just come up and stare at you?"

"........no."

I shifted, uncomfortably.

He stood there for a few long, drawn out moments, never taking his eyes off of me for a second.

...Then abruptly, he got up close. Wayyyyyy too close.

Like, violating every privacy law close. And I leaned back, staring at him in horror.

"What the---" My voice was cut off by my own gulp.

His eyebrows furrowed a little. "...One way, girly....one way or another....I'm gonna own you."

My eyes widened a bit..and I squeaked. "..own me?"

wope, that was a bit too chirpy and high, my bad.

That was the fear talking.

"...um...my opinion is no....."

And that was when the scoundrel slowly smirked a bit, his eyes completely locked in mine and I felt like running away, screeching like a pterodactyl.

"...Oh, I already decided...you're mine."

And like that, he leaned back, hands still resting inside his pockets, and without another word or extremely creepy gesture, started back for the T.A.R.D.I.S.. I could breathe again.

I wasn't so sure I liked what I just heard....

~

Marvelous fireworks . . breathtaking hues of color and light . . me looking around at all the happy, laughing people of Lake Town . . these were the things that filled my mind as I floated in the air, staring wide-eyed at the walls of images surrounding me. Once again, I found I had zero control of my own body and I couldn't move, breathe or speak...just watch.

And once again, a set of images appeared before my eyes, and I could hear a menagerie of voices and sounds that confused the living heck out've me.

At once, I was shown the first image, which evolved into a mini movie . . a monstrous beast, standing beside another, as they ran across a field, with a great number of fellow beasts charging behind them . . a giant dragon roaring at me as I fell through the air, shooting out streams of fire at me as I hurdled toward the ground . . and just as I impacted, I was falling through a roof of trees and colliding with the ground, where I suddenly landed into the arms of someone . . as my vision fixed and I went to see who it was, I got a brief, blurred image of a beautiful dark haired boy who stared back at me with bright green eyes . . brief, because the two seconds I saw of him was all I got before the set of images shattered like glass around me and I waved my body around as I was sucked back by an invisible vacuum, silently screaming my head off as everything yet again went black. . . . .

~

bloody chestnut of a good man's hubblewoggle.

I winced in pain and held my head as I laid against the rock I had sat on earlier.

I don't remember falling asleep. I don't remember GIVING myself permission to fall asleep.

How dare I fall asleep?

Upon opening my eyes and adjusting my vision back to normal, I took notice of someone watching me.

Imagine my utter surprise when I found that the one watching me was, none other, than the Master.

whaaattttt?????

My eyes focused on him as I held the back of my head, sitting up.

He was hunched over, sitting on a rock of his own, with his arms hanging over his legs.

At first, I gave him a rather quizzical look . . which eventually turned to that of sarcasm.

"...you know...I'm quite comforted to know that despite all the struggles and trials of the day and everything I have to put up with, I can always count on having a psychotic villain go out of his way just to watch me while I sleep." He showed little emotion.

...I'm unappreciated.

". . you were stirring and being rather noisy, so I came to investigate."

I sat up all the way, rubbing my temples. "Good save, bud."

His head tilted a bit, "Nightmares?" "...whatta you care?"

"I don't...............but there's nothing better to do, so tell me anyway."

With a deep, tired sigh, my eyes shifted back to him and I breathed shallowly.

"...If I told you something, promise not to be a jerk and mock me?"

He moved his head away, raising his brows. "You're asking for a lot." "Five minutes."

He immediately looked back and ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "Fair enough."

Another deep sigh..I shifted. "...Sooo....my mom and I....sort've...have this gift..simply...we sometimes have dreams that..wind up true. Anndd...they're a bit prophetic like...argh...I dunno."

"Are you trying to tell me that you can see the future through your dreams?" His interest was piqued, but a bit skeptical. My brows rose a little. "No..I mean...well, yeah. And the bits sort've happen like deja-vu's...it's creepy...and awesome...it's cwesome."

"Alright, well...that's amusing, but what does it have to do with-"

"But something's wrong." He paused. I lifted my chin.

"..Ever since I started having those pains in my head..things have gotten weird. The last two times I've slept, I've gone to a place..I can't speak, I can't breathe, I can't move. And I'm shown things. I'm specifically shown things, like someone wants me to see particular things at a particular time. I see all these different bits and pieces, and I still can't remember all of it...but...it's nothing like I've ever seen before...and it kind've scares me." I couldn't help but stare ahead.

"...Something about me is different now...I've changed."

At this, he rose his eyebrows. "...Have you told anyone else about this?"

I slowly shook my head.

"Good. Keep it to yourself...for now, at least."

I must say, it was a little awkward to be talking to a villain about serious matters such as this..basically expressing issues that effected me and honestly concerned me to someone that just didn't care.

I mean..he looked a little interested. But he wasn't worried.

And up to that point, I had never been around someone like that before.

I'm no cry baby..but it kind've hurt.

"We should get ready..that pretty boy [Legolas] is *crying* about us running out of time."

He arose and I sighed at his language and rudeness and his callousness and my inability to punch him in the face. I stood, too. "And do me a favor..would ya ask Jim to back off the flirt train? He's kinda creeping me out." He stopped....and glared at me. Rather unexpected, actually.

"..Why...did he say something to you?"

I didn't think anything of it at first, and shrugged it off. "Earlier, yes...he kind've..was staring at me, at first..then he got up real close and said one of these days he'd 'own' me..last I checked, you kind've can't own a someone anymore."

It took me a few minutes before I looked up at his face, and realized that his eyebrows had lowered, his jaw tightening and his breathing was becoming uneasy. "So he intimidated you?"

My jaw hung open a bit. "A..little......but I wouldn't tell 'im that."

"hm.." "......I'm probably overreacting. Forget I said anything."

I started to walk away, thinking that was the end of it, towards the others..when from the corner of my eye, I spotted the Master going the opposite direction. Turning my full attention to him, I saw now that he was marching up to the T.A.R.D.I.S..

My heart sunk as I immediately realized what he was doing...oh no.

I leapt after him faster than I could blink. "wait, waIT, WAIT!!"

I tried. But I was too slow. He had already reached the ship and slammed the door open, storming inside like a hurricane. HURRICANE SAXON, COMING YO' WAY.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU, YOU LITTLE IRISH *BEEP* *BEEP BEEP BEEP*"

oh my goodness, the language. Words were said I didn't even know existed.

Hearing this from a distance, I ran faster.

oh no oh no OH NO.

"What're you gettin' on abo-"

Jim's voice was suddenly cut off and I heard a brief scuffle...I sped even faster.

"SHE IS OFF LIMITS."

I ran to the doorway and peeked inside. Master was holding Moriarty's head up by his tie, practically choking him. My mouth ran open.

Through his struggle for air, however, the old fool laughed, sarcastic as ever.

"--are---you---JEALOUS--???"

"Oh, don't be a *beeping* idiot! I couldn't care less about the girl! But she's precious cargo and I don't want your perverted little *beep* *beeping* *beep beep* *beepity bop* *beep beep* scaring her off. Keep your *beep* sick games to yourself."

Bane and Joker watched in amusement from a corner of the ship, Joker beaming, while Bane's eyes narrowed. The Master's hold tightened and he rose the tie even higher, squeezing as he did so, which made Jim struggle like mad to breathe.

Finally, the Timelord had made his point, and he at last let go. The Irish bug fell to the floor and began to cough and gasp, wheezing for air.

The villainous Timelord stared down at him for a few moments, his fists clenched at his sides..once he was done, he turned...but when he spotted me, his expression changed.

Changed from anger to oh crap she saw me do that, in 2.0 seconds.

At that instant, Jim mistakenly chuckled behind him.

"Keep the act up...everyone knows you want her for yourself."

Master's face returned to rage and he shot his head down at the short fiend. Jim did the same, looking up at him with a painful, psychotic grin. "Who's sick now?!"

And with that, POW!

Master slugged the bug right across the face with a powerful fist of fury, which sent Moriarty flying WAY back, hard onto the grate floor.

My hands immediately slapped hard atop one another over my mouth as I was desperately fighting off the biggest laugh EVER.

The Master punched Moriarty!

THE MASTER PUNCHED MORIARTY.

Unfortunately, it wasn't so funny for either Jim, nor the Master, but this didn't stop Joker from shooting out his arm, pointing, and roaring with wild laughter, as Bane turned his head from the scene, obviously trying to keep from laughing himself.

Moriarty laid on the floor, not responding any further, and Master stood a ways from him, his fist still clenched, as he stared hatefully in his direction.

I lunged forward to the two, my eyes focusing down on Moriarty.

As I knelt down on one knee, I gave him a few taps..where I nearly squealed.

"DUDE, YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD!!"

"Did I?" I eyed him. He was smirking.

"You beastie, you." I quietly muttered, then looked back down at the Irish fiend.

"Oh, this is just wonderful." I fell down, slipped my hands underneath him and pulled him atop my lap, cradling his head in my arm. "Here we have an army of Orcs coming and you two are squabbling like a couple of toddlers at a playground--over ME, no less!"

Okay, so I was sounding a bit too much like the classic girl-scolding-the-boys-for-fighting type, when I usually always jumped INTO the fight. But I was legit ticked off and didn't have the time for this nonsense.

"Worst timing EVER, Saxon!" "I TOLD YOU NOT TO-" "You're not WORTHY of your title! I heard what you said. You didn't do this for me. You did it cuz he irritates you. So don't pretend like you did me any favors! Don't even look at me-" "But he-" "DON'T EVEN LOOK."

He swung his head around with an irritated expression.

I turned my attention back to Jim, continuing to fan him. "Oh c'mon, Pot o'Gold!"

I gave him a few shakes. "I need all hands on deck! Wake up already!"

I sighed, frustratedly. "Geez, did you KILL him?! How hard did you HIT him, for God's sake?!"

Without giving him time to answer, I shot my head up at the alien man. "Make yourself useful and get me some water!" Grumbling, he stomped off to do so.

Joker, in the meantime, approached the two of us. He looked down with great amusement and a huge smile on his face. "IS he dead?"

There, Bane knelt down beside me and placed a couple of fingers on Moriarty's neck, pressing down to check his pulse. He waited a few seconds. "...he's alive."

"I never doubted he was.." I said aloud, even though nobody asked me my opinion on it.

Master came back and handed me a glass full of water.

I took it, giving him a strange look. "Where'd you even get this?!" "Never mind that."

Yeah, right, never mind that, I didn't wanna know. Thankfully, it wasn't my face this was being splashed with.

And by the way, I splashed Jim's face with it.

I didn't even care about getting wet, since I was still drying from my little underwater Lake Town meets Mission Impossible trial. It was Jim that shot up, gasping and heaving like a fish, his eyes wild and his face turning white as water poured from his head. His hair was now partially soaked, making it as black as his suit. And I won't even bother to put an interpretation of the obscenity he yelled quite loudly..right in my ear.

As he sat there a moment breathing difficultly, he held his chest, while the rest of us stared in silence.

"...SOMEONE HIT ME."

It appeared he had forgotten that.

I immediately pointed up. "It was the Master!"

Master in turn shot his head at the betrayal.

Jim's eyes moved to him, having the most evil, hateful look imaginable, clearly indicating he meant murder.

As he was going to react, I grabbed him by the wet shoulders.

"But now's not the time for that, kill eachother later!"

I crawled up, dragging him along with me, and began to straighten up his clothes, slicking back his now damp hair. I rebuttoned his shirt, adjusted his attire, wiped away the bunches, and don't you dare ship us.

I held his chin, where his eyes moved to my face, and I inspected his.

There was a rising, dark visible bruise developing on one side..and apparently, the Master cut him with his ring, cuz he now had a small nick on his lip that was steady bleeding.

I turned his head towards the Master to present the new display.

"Look at what you did to this child's face." I shook my head, disapprovingly. "You should be ashamed of yourself." "You asked me to stop him." "No, I TOLD you to ASK him to stop. Not knock him out into the next century! Then I told you to forget it. So since you defied both of your Queen's orders, there's only one thing to do now.." "What?" He shot back, in a mocking tone. "You going to tell me off?!"

"No, this is something words can't quite get out effectively.." "Like wha-"

And POW! again.

I sucker-punched the fiend so hard, he was knocked straight into the control panel and onto the floor, where he slapped his hand across his mouth and nose. Before he could recover, I stepped closer to him.

"--that was for the first offense. This is for the second.."

annddd  KICK!  hard into this stomach, where he yelped in pain and coiled up his body, groaning quite painfully. I stared down at him, hands at my hips, and rose an eyebrow.

"Next time..listen to me."

With a spin of the heels, I started off towards the door like a boss, immediately snapping my fingers for the rest to follow. And they did. With huge grins on their faces.

- - -

So far, before the battle even started, Jim already had a bruised up face and a cut lip, and the Master now was holding his bleeding nose. And trying to maintain his pride.

Bane and Joker, at that point in time, were my favorite children.

Mostly cuz they weren't doing anything to irritate me yet.

I led the tense little party of villains up the slope, that took us to Legolas, Tauriel and the dwarves.

As the elven prince caught sight of us, particularly the Master and Moriarty, his brows rose.

"Were you attacked?!" "By an annoying blonde alien and a short irritating midget, yes."

"--if you count us attacking one another as an attack." Master muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

I felt Joker eye me, with a smirk, seemingly thrilled over what I had done.

I stood still infront of Lego and crossed my arms.

"Never mind us, we're not important. Master mentioned earlier that you needed us."

"Of course," He looked away, albeit reluctantly, probably not sure what to make of us at that point.

"I'm riding out to find our closest allies. If I'm successful, I should be back by morning."

"Oh, bless you, you dear elven fancy prince!" I fist-pumped, excitedly. "That'll show 'em!"

"..yes.." His eyes moved to Tauriel, who was looking a bit nervous.

"...Tauriel shall stay here with you. Keep your eyes on the mountain, and be weary of the dragon."

"Aye aye, sir." I saluted, awkwardly.

He jerked his head at me in reply and started off, leaving Tauriel to stand alone amongst all the strangers.

I sighed and turned to her, "Well girl, looks like you're stuck with us for now."

She finally quit staring after Legolas and turned her head to me.

A smile slowly appeared on her overly pretty face. "I suppose so.."

Thaattttt's when Jim waltzed right past me and scooted on up to the she-elf.

Before I could yank him back, he was already on it, the creep of a flirt.

"Haiii.." She gave him a weirded out expression. He got a little too close. "You're really quite attractive for an elf....how old did you say you were?"

I slapped my forehead. You blundering fool, I should've let you STAY knocked out!

But Tauriel thankfully had things covered and made a rather sassy, unimpressed expression at his advance.

"I have lived six centuries."

"........oh........"

He swallowed, slowlyyyy backing away.

I grinned like the Cheshire Cat and leaned in a bit as he retreated back next to me.

"What's the matter, Jim-bo? Too old for ya? I mean, sure, she ain't a barely nineteen year old girl, but..y'know.." My hand slipped back behind me and I received a lowfive from the clown.

Moriarty gave us such a scowl, that showed rather clearly as his bruised face turned red.

At this point, I yanked him back behind me by the tie, then stepped up to Tauriel myself, nodding away his nonsense. "So you and Kili been getting along well, yeah?"

I did a little wink...but her expression was one of confusion. "...Kili?"

I slowly frowned. "....Ya know....Kili..." I pointed her attention to the young Durin dwarf, the dwarves themselves all busily whispering in a group a ways from us.

"Kili."

She looked back at me with an actual tad of disgust on her face. "Why would you imply such a thing? He's a dwarf!" My eyes widened as I looked back at the short man, my mouth hanging open.

OH NOES.

I leaped from my position towards Kili, who jerked his head at my abruptness, and I snatched him by the arm, dragging him back to the she-elf. "You! Look at her!" I pointed, aggressively. "Isn't she pretty?!"

At first he was confused as all heck, but he eventually humored me and looked her up and down.

I flailed my arms. "Quit examining her, this ain't an art show! Just say it, is she pretty or no?!"

He looked pain. "Well..." "GOOD GOD, MAN, YES OR NO!"

His eyes shot back to me. "--she--isn't hideous?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

My eyeballs popped open.

OH MY GIMLI, WHAT HAVE I DONE. THEY DIDN'T CONNECT IN THE CELL AND FORM THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND NOW THEY AREN'T EVEN THINKING OF ANYTHING. NO MATTER WHAT MY STANCE WAS ON THE TWO, THIS WAS NOT GOOD, THEY LOVED EACHOTHER IN THE MOVIE UNIVERSE, WHAT COULD THIS EFFECT, AHHHHHHHHH. I HAD TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET THOSE TWO TOGETHER, MATCHMAKER SARAH TO THE RESCUE.

"At long last, I have found you."

"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU."

I spurted out..before really realizing who it was. But when I did and my eyes gravitated to the person behind me..my face dropped. ".....oh."

King Thranduil.

. . .

"Now really, Thranduil, I must insist--holding grudges is not a healthy way to live!"

I bit my lip as one of the elves tied rope around my wrists.

"A lot is about to happen, a lot has to be done, you can arrest me later, there's an army of Or-"

My mouth was instantly shut for me as the same elf stuffed a cloth into it.

Ewww, who knows where that thing had been!

Worst thing ever for a germifreak such as myself. My expression turned fierce as I loudly muffled my protests. "Just the way I like a woman...silenced."

Why, you little blonde heathen..

"My king!" Tauriel exclaimed, literally running to my defense.

"Please, I beseech you! Sarah is a vital part of our future! Her role in the coming events is crucial to our fate..your son himself entrusted her to-" "Yet the boy is not king. I am. And therefore, I will do as I please with the escaping wench."

More muffled protests.

"Keep quiet, human girl." The stupid-faced elf that tied and gagged me hissed.

I gave him a grumpy face and I got a little closer, grumbling fiercely at him.

I shall translate the first non-insulting part.. "I'm your queen."

"Do not think that you and the prince will go unpunished." Thranduil gave the she-elf a look full of hatred and creepy, vengeful fire. "I know it is you who helped them escape."

I could feel Tauriel swallowing from the six foot distance we had from one another.

I muffled a shout. Translation, "This is ridiculous, you're wasting our time!"

My companions all lumped together with the dwarves to avoid detection, until the dwarves betrayed them by stepping forward and getting out their weapons.

Thorin naturally taking point, Thranduil's eyes soon gravitated to him.

"And you, dwarves...I see you have obviously gotten past my forest. Pity...I would have enjoyed watching you rot inside my cells."

I yelled an insult at him. Translation, "You racist pig!" 

His head slowly turned to me, with an expression that screamed he was so done with me.

"How is it with your mouth gagged that you still manage to test my patience!"

I muttered something. Translation, "It's a gift."

Thorin puffed himself up, all kind like. "That girl is under our protection. Release her back to us."

"..Why should I? She's my prisoner."

"You're planning to execute her, what does it matter whether she lives or dies?" Balin had a point.

Thranduil looked to be calculating the situation.....he lifted his head high.

"I shall consider it................very well....turn over my gems and I shall release her to you."

"Out of the question!"

I muffled loudly and sped up to him, nodding my head vigorously, urging him to take away the cloth.

Thranduil gave me a weirded out look at first....then reluctantly complied. He pulled it right out, with a sissy hand, and I jumped like a frog. "Done! The gems are your's!"

"What?!" Thorin exclaimed. I swung my head at him, "Oh, you don't need them!"

I swung it back. "Unfortunately, however, Smaug is still in the mountain, and that just so happens to be where the gems are located. And as I was ABOUT to tell you..we've got an Orc army coming, so if you want dem gems, help us stop 'em. Then they're your's."

"Fortunately for you, Lady Sarah, there won't be an army."

My heart leapt at the familiar voice and I peeked behind the elven king, as all eyes turned to the one behind us. "GANDALF!" I took off like a child and gave him a great big hug..albeit with my hands still tied.

"OMG, OMG, thank goodness, you're HERE!"

I actually was very ecstatic.

"Gandalf!" Bilbo exclaimed, running behind me towards the wizard. "You're back!"

Gandalf chuckled. But this made me bounce back, when I realized something wasn't right, and I gave him a look of suspicion. "But how? You were supposed to be...." "Indeed, by this time, I would have been a prisoner of Sauron..." My eyes widened. "--But with new knowledge of events that were to be and are still to come..I know now what to prepare for. And that includes the army of Orcs."

My face lit up. "You mean it isn't..." "Of course not. Well....most of it..." He nodded, intelligently.

"I rallied all of the allies I was able and we managed to intercept much of the army Azog the Defiler had conjured, intended for this place.." He looked around a bit, then down at me.

"Azog and his spawn, Bolg, escaped with a small fraction of what remained and are headed this way, I fear.." Shaking his head, he wiggled his staff. "The two seemed protected somehow...as if by some dark force.." "..Sauron?" He shook his head again, "More powerful than even that.."

Yowza..

Behind us, Thranduil cleared his throat. We all three looked back at him.

"There's still the matter of your punishment."

I rose an eyebrow, "You still on that, you old crone? Talk about dwelling on the past!"

"Thranduil, I must insist you stop this foolishness. This girl has done you no harm, nor committed any crime worthy of this persistence, and you know it. It was your own son who let her out in the first place. So put the past behind you." Thranduil lifted his chin, snootily.

I nodded my head at Gandalf's tell-off, triumphantly. You said it, old timer!

"I would appreciate if you would stay out of matters that do not in the least concern you, wizard. I will deal with the human girl and those barbaric drunken dwarves in any way I see fit!"

At this, I lunged in. "Would you STOP being RACIST!!"

Geez! Seriously!

His head moved down at me, the jerk. "Who exactly do you think you are, speaking to me in such a way?"

I made an edgy face at him as my eyes narrowed. "Last time I checked, I was your queen."

"And this matters, why?" "...And you're a king..." "I am glad you noticed."

"So basically, I'm not defying you. This is a sovereign dispute! Royalty does it all the time, son!"

He paused....then leaned back and sniffed a laugh. An annoying little laugh.

"Hm..your arrogance reminds me of that of a dwarf's......"

. . . . . . . . . . . .

"....you are certainly about the size of one."

THE HECK?
WAS THIS GUY FOR REAL?
WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM?

I NEEDED TO KILL.

I felt my jaw drop at this, and he seemed to develop a smug little smirk from it.

Oh yeah, well, tables can be turned, BUDDY!

"You think you're so perfect?!" I hoarsely exclaimed, while backing away. "Well you've got problems of your own, pal! Like those caterpillars you have as eyebrows! TRIM THOSE SUCKAS!"

And I bolted away..even though it was pointless. He wasn't chasing me.

Only stared down at the ground from atop his majestic moose, in shock.

I circled around Gandalf and hid behind him. "Bilbo!" I whispered. The hobbit peeked at me from the other side of the wizard. I let out my hands, glancing over at the elven scum.

"Cut my rope! I'm on the run!" "There will be no need for that. The elven king has made up his mind."

Indeed, as I turned to check, Thranduil was in the same position beside his men, not chasing me.

I made a lopsided frown..then once again extended my hands to the hobbit. "Still cut my rope, though."

Bilbo complied and pulled out Sting, doing as I asked. Once it was cut, I wiggled my sore hands, bending my numb fingers in and out as I inspected my skin that had changed color from my bounds. Bloody elves...

"That's better."

"I have already met with Legolas.." Gandalf rotated to me, stamping down his staff.

"He will be returning shortly. There will be a few allies on their way to help you vanquish the Pale Orc..and to defeat the dragon."

YES, SUCCE- wait, wait, wait, what was he doing, dragging me by the hood yards away, what the heeccckkkk????

He let me go and I held completely still in confusion as he glanced at the others, then back at me, with the utmost judgment in his eyes.

I straightened myself out a little. "Dude, what the heck? What's the dea-"

"I know the truth about you, Sarah.."

My heart stopped. ".......truth?....." I swallowed. "That I'm...the Queen?" I nervously grinned.

His eyes glazed. "That you're not the Queen."

Bump. There it is.

Bilbo, who had followed us, spun his head at me, with squinted eyes. My own eyes shifted sheepishly back and forth from the two as guilt began to eat away at me.

"Look.....I can explain."

"I already know. You are not the Queen..but you have always wished to meet us, and you took the opportunity to help save Middle Earth. And for that..despite the scandal behind it..I find you honorable. You are willing to give up your life to be something you are not. Therefore, I am willing to look past the lie, and help you do so." His face fluctuated with correction. "Fight, I mean...."

I looked away.

"...You have a good heart...just do not try to do anything beyond you."

At this, his vision left me and focused on the others...the others being the villainous chaps.

"...Especially for them."

After remaining wild eyed and jaw-hanging the whole time, I sighed, taking a deep breath.

"...Please don't tell them...if they find out I'm not..........they'll......." I tightened my fists.

"Your secret is safe, my dear.."

I glanced up at him. . I saw now he was smiling, reassuringly, and bowing his head.

"Same for me,"

I looked at Bilbo. "I won't tell a soul."

I couldn't do anything else but smile at them both, nodding my thank you.

If anyone was to know my secret, I was glad it was two of whom I could trust with it.

Gandalf and Bilbo were actually both good at keeping secrets themselves..and understanding the reasoning of it, too. My identity wasn't getting out any time soon.

..

As we returned to the others, though...I stopped abruptly.

The air suddenly felt cold.

Something wasn't right.

That's when it happened.

"Sarah!"

We all swung around to the sound of Bard and Alfrid speeding up the slope, completely out of breath.

"Sarah! Thorin!!"

"What ever is the matter?" Gandalf questioned, as the two got close enough.

"--The---Orcs!!--"

My eyes enlarged.

"The Orcs you spoke of--" Bard pointed, struggling to breathe. "--They're coming!"

GREAT SCOTT.

"What?!" "So soon?!"

Bilbo exclaimed.

"How did he get here so quickly?" Shouted Gandalf. "His army was defeated miles away!"

I held my chest. crap crap crap.

Hearing the commotion, my villainous chaps came running to behind me.

"What's going on?!" Master questioned, while still holding his nose.

"Azog is coming!"

Bilbo cried.

"WHAT?!" Three out of four of my villains exclaimed.

"How the bloody *beep* did he get here so fast?!"

I covered Jim's mouth as I looked to the ground. "Quiet, everyone quiet!"

My head hurt.

"We have to get ready." Bane urged.

"For WHAT?" Master questioned. I didn't even know myself.

Bane's eyes darkly met the Timelord's. "To fight."

At that second, Jim dashed from his position and ran full speed for the T.A.R.D.I.S..

"NOPE!"

"JIM!" I exclaimed, reaching for him, missing only by inches. "Get back here, you coward!"

But he didn't stop. He kept running until he reached the inside, and slammed the door closed.

My heart was racing. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU."

Just I lunged after him, my body at once froze into place, as if I had been struck my lighting and turned into some type of statue. The quietness of the air was shattered with the abrupt sound of horns.

Evil horns.

I hated myself for doing it...for acknowledging the existence..for accepting that it was there...but my eyes slowly turned to the source...that was far off from us.

There, standing atop a large rock, was Azog the Defiler. In the flesh.

Bolg, his son, stood by his side. While a mass amount of Orc warriors flooded behind them.

They started to roar at the sight of us, raising their weapons over their heads, beating their chests.

My face deepened in shock as Azog took his now bladed arm and rose it up infront of him.

My heart completely ceased as his voice pierced like thunder through the roars behind him.

And I could understand him.

"Oakenshield! Your line ends this day! At the hands of my remnants! Tonight, we feast upon your dead flesh, and drink your blood!" His arms rose above his head.

"This day, we bring you DEATH!!"

The Orcs all screeched at their master's words in terrifying pleasure...and I felt the bravery of the ones around me dwindle by the second.

I couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't strategize. Nothing.

Only one thing popped up in my head.

fudge.

- - -  to be continued  - - -